Saturday, 21 December 2013

Summer Lovin'

When it comes to Christmas in the mother city, 'tis definitely the season to be jolly especially when you're sexy, single and so ho-ho ready to mingle. Whether you've just come out of a long-term relationship or whether you are just over the suck-fest that has been 2013, the festive season is the most wonderful time of  the year to let go of inhibitions and do something completely out of character. The summer heat, the beach parties that last for days, the frenzy of local and international talent gracing our shores, an actual reason to drink before 12pm. So many brilliant excuses to have a Merry X-mas and what better place to find some summer loving than the ultimate one-stop party central that is C -Town, ZA!

They say you should always strike while the iron's hot which is why the sweltering heatwave of summer provides the perfect opportunity to flirt up a storm without expecting too much from the opposite (or same) sex. Too many times, we forget that the summer fling is a short-term fix designed to make us think less and live more. That's not to say we should become total prostitutes, but we do need to lower our expectations if we wish to have ourselves a merry little Christmas time. But just how low do we go? Should our standards drop as well? And what do we do when we find ourselves becoming obsessed or jealous over our summer lovers? Do all good flings eventually come to an end? What are the rules and regulations for having the perfect summer fling...

"All my single ladies are getting double-strength condoms in their Christmas stockings this year. Contrary to Justine Sacco's idiotic beliefs, Africa is not the only continent where you can catch an STD." Sam, a former clap survivor herself, was back from London for the holiday season and as tongue-in-cheek about sexuality as ever. Having once reigned as the supreme of summer flings and having had more international arrivals on her belt than O.R Tambo, Sam was the official guru when it came to explaining the t's and c's of summer romance.

"Listen sweetie, take it from someone who literally had mistletoe hanging over her vagina every festive season since the early nineties. If you're going to leave your milk and cookies out in the open, Santa Claus is going to come, and probably go before you get the chance to open your eyes." It was no secret that Sam loved sex and encouraged as many summer flings and pre-commitment relationships as possible before settling down with someone you genuinely care about. She was trying to explain this analogy to Carla who had become obsessed with a Spanish tourist she slept with a few weeks ago at a Christmas staff after-party.

"You need to get over it immediately and find another helper to hump. He told you he was here on ho-liday only. What did you expect? A marriage proposal? You've completely missed the point of a summer fling. Shame on him for not being open about it but shame on you for not keeping it short and casual. This fling business is NSA at its best where the conventional rules of dating no longer apply, where two people can have the same passion and romance of a relationship without the expectation of lifelong commitment. It's supposed to have an expiration date."

'Twas the night before Christmas when Sam had met her fiancee, a summer fling that had gone horribly wrong in the summer of 2009. "I would never have met Pete if I did not put myself out there as much as I did and even after we met, I carried on cavorting for another season until we both agreed to make it official. The rules to having a successful summer fling is that there are no rules. You have to have fun! If it works in the long-run great, but if it doesn't don't waste your time pining over someone that has an itinerary and a confirmed departure date."

Once you get past the sudden spike in daytime traffic caused mainly by Gauteng holidaymakers and the tedious frenzy of buying gifts for four when your return on investment is only one - and a shitty one at that - you'll soon realise that being single during the festive season is actually quite fun. If you see a handsome stranger catching your eye, stop thinking with your heart and go with your heat. Smile back and coyly sip upon that Pina Colada as if your sex-life depended on it. He might think you're a total loon or he might just come across and buy you another drink. Either way, you've got his attention.

When it comes to summer loving, why aren't more and more singles having a blast?

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