Every day, advertisers, marketers and PR companies are going above and below to find new and inventive ways of creating brand awareness for their latest must-have product. From Group-On deals and telesales calls to two for one blue light specials, it’s all about the appeal. No matter how big your budget or how wide your market, it can take years to build up a solid reputation and while massive global brands spare no expense on billboard campaigns and catchy radio jingles, nothing can ever come quite as close as the power of good old fashioned word of mouth.
Last Friday night, Aiden and I were lured out of our comfort zones and into the blistering cold of Long Street for drinks with some friends at Neighbourhood. Chilli poppers, amazing service and double doses of alcoholic yumminess all for the price of one, why, happy hour couldn't get happier than this. Four long islands and two ginger mojito's later, the
conversation went south somewhere below the line. Brenda had started advertising a recent article that she'd come across about ten innovative ways to improve your blow job technique. "Welcome to the Fela-Show starring your Penis!"
As we discussed points A through J, the male company present concurred with at least six of the ten presented in the publication. The one that stood out like a sore knob was definitely BJ tip number two, a vocal warm up incorporating his golden globes. While most of the boys seemed to be humming a different tune, I was brave enough to admit that the experience, which in itself was far more comical and awkward than anything else, was definitely an epic fail. It was right there and then that Brenda decided to share bonus tip number eleven, the urban legend of blow job tips, a secret taboo guaranteed to make most men squeal with delight.
Charlotte nearly choked on her bacon popper the moment Brenda began to explain the concept of stinky pinky. "You take a bit of lube without him knowing and you put it on your finger. As you're busy giving him head, caress his balls with the palm of your hand. Keep stroking his penis. Then, when he is least expecting it, you sneak attack your finger into his asshole while jerking down. The trick is to keep sucking, sticking and jerking down at the same time. Suck. Stick. Jerk. Bam! Cum in sixty seconds. Kids. Do not try this at home." Cheque please.
A day later over at the international house party of fun, I could not seem to escape the subject of oral fixation. The topic had diverted to cunni-linguistics, a language that so many men seem to flunk. "It's the holy grail of oral sex." According to Charlotte, no matter how many "how to" articles you happen to read, a lot of guys just keep doing it wrong. "They can fix cars and electrical gadgets but God forbid you give them a vagina. If only it came with an instruction manual." If only. Penny, a sweet Afrikaans girl who'd once dated a mutual friend of a friend, seemed to agree. At first she seemed to be rather private about her sexual relations, that is until the gluwein kicked in. "If he kisses badly on the lips then it's almost certain that he has no clue what to do with your clitoris. I know some uitgerekte girls out there like it rough but I am not one of them. A vagina is like a flower; gentle, soft. It's not a buffet. You don't just eat it. It's like Cremora. It's not inside it's on top."
My lecturer once told me that if you look deeper into the advertising slogans of popular brands, nine out of ten times they'll usually point to sex. Whether it's subliminal or sprawled across a two page spread of a glossy magazine, we need to open up in order to find our happy place. Great sex and successful advertising work best the minute you get people talking about it. The more you talk about it the more you know and the more you know the better the chance you have of finding a service that works for both you and your partner.
When it comes to sexual satisfaction, I couldn't help but
wonder, is communication, in fact, key?