Thursday, 28 June 2012


Entering the big bad world of adulthood can be a daunting process. The responsibilities are constantly growing, not to mention the pressure that comes with making the best decisions to ensure a sustainable lifestyle, and with so many choices and options thrown in our face on a daily basis, the whole ordeal can be altogether frustrating. The red tape, the sales calls and all those hideous terms and conditions, why the whole process of committing to something long term can be exasperating, especially when you're still trying to figure out what the hell it is you want.  

No matter how hard we try to avoid it, we are bound to some kind of contractual agreement at some point in our lives. Whether it's work, home or personal relationships there seems to be a list of endless rules and regulations that govern the way we act and feel about certain situations. And while some agreements are strictly non-negotiable, I was curious to find out more about the unconventional kind lurking within the greyer areas of life. Even though I had never been that kind of girl, I was starting to wonder whether I may have overlooked the advantages of the so-called "friends with benefits" relationship. Although it seemed to offer much more flexibility than a full disclosure, I had difficulty understanding the "no strings attached" policy. Had I been too quick to judge the mutual benefits of being emotionally unattached?

Friday night was upon us and the "fuck buddy" had become a hot topic of conversation. I was pleasantly surprised to find more and more of my single lady friends embracing this concept as easily, if not as frequently, as men do. At first I thought they had all jumped onto the band wagon and given up on men completely but I quickly accepted the fact that sometimes all we really want is nothing more than a good shag. The idea seems unrealistic considering the stereotypes that women have to endure, that all women will eventually become emotionally attached so it was quite refreshing to see the idea of causal sex spread itself amongst my female friends.

"It's like pay-as-you-go", Anni said as she explained the basic guidelines to having a successful playmate. "You get it when you need it." Was she right? Have modern day women finally cracked the code of having sexual relations without forming an emotional attachment? Had sex become that disposable? As I investigated further, I found out that nearly all my single friends had or were having secret sex with some guy or another. Susan, Miranda, Jules, and even the little virgin Mary. The benefits were mutual and the rules were crystal clear. No false hopes or great expectations, just pure, amazing, unadulterated sex. Who needed Mr. Right Now when you could have Mr. Right Now Against The Wall?

As I flashed back to the late 90's, I almost forgot about my own former playmate. His name was Rick, a dumpy freckled ginger boy from England with whom I'd hook up with every Monday night while my parents were away at choir practice. Even though we had multiple mind blowing encounters in the bedroom, Rick was the kind of guy I would never dream of being seen with in public. Not that he was particularly unattractive or anything but I could see no future between us and the only chemistry we had remained between the sheets. Funnily enough Mary had the same issue with her fuck buddy. Could that be the key to having a successful open relationship? To have sexual relations with someone you find utterly dull and morally repugnant? Was it like a mutual trade agreement? A little tit for tat? 

The waiting room for the perfect plus one is full of single hopefuls, so until you find the most compatible partner to fill the void, there's nothing wrong with getting a little something on the side to fill your own void. Medical insurance, employment contracts, lease agreements...these are actually quite easy once you get through all the paperwork. Committing yourself to a significant other is just as tricky especially if your heart has been compromised before. Yes, it may take a bit longer than you hoped for but instead of stressing out why not invest in a reliable top-up package until you are ready to upgrade to something more substantial.   

When it comes to commitment, why are we faced with so much pressure?

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