Everybody has a family member like Amy, and while her eternal optimism makes you wonder whether she's sneaking massive doses of Prozac-laced Lithium into her morning coffee, you cannot help but envy her. Everything about her is effortlessly perfect; her career, her husband, her tan, even her fucking mini quiches...it's extremely difficult to top any of her achievements and no matter how big the news or how great the accomplishment, Amy always seems to have something bigger and better to share.
A part of me wondered whether this was pure dumb luck or whether Amy took some kind of sadistic pleasure in rubbing her glorious feats in our faces. Ever since we were kids, she loved to boast about everything and anything and while most of her fans seemed genuinely happy for her, I personally wanted to stab her in the eye with a pitchfork. Don't kid yourself...jealousy has been in vogue for centuries ever since that Brutus bloke murdered Caesar for Rome. It's a horrible colour that so many of us choose to wear discreetly, lurking behind fake smiles and insincere praise, accessorized with just the right amount of diplomacy to pull off a look that is convincing enough to fool the untrained eye. The stench of bitterness and desire concealed behind false gestures of admiration made me wonder why someone else s' success would bring out the worse in me?
The thing you have to know about Amy is how ridiculously uncanny her life is. Everything about her is so animated, so automated and oh so amazing even at the worst of times. How the hell could one person's life be so annoyingly perfect? I started to decline family gatherings simply because of how crap she made me feel about my own life, so when a close source confirmed a delicious rumour about her sex life, I could not help but revel with malicious glee. Finally, there was one aspect of my life that was better than hers, and even though it made me feel just a little bit better, I was amazed at how much life I had given this little green eyed monster inside of me? Was this fiend a manifestation of my own fears and failures? Why did her success affect me so negatively? Was it because of my own frustrations or was it simply because she had the one thing in life I longed for the most:: a sense of accomplishment?
Whatever the case, life is full of phony characters like Amy who'll always make your efforts seem feeble and worthless. Whether it's intentional or not, there is a definitely a higher level of insincerity in someone who is so sure of themselves. If it helps you sleep at night, take satisfaction in knowing that you're most likely a better shag than they'll ever be. The truth is while they were working hard, you were most likely laying on your back with your heels up to Jesus. As for jealousy, well it's an ugly thing and just like any other life threatening disease, a cure is yet to be found, so until it has, you're just going to have to deal with it.
When it comes to jealousy, I couldn't help but wonder, is green the new black?
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