Wednesday, 13 February 2013

Stupid Cupid

Of all the mythical winged creatures in the entire world, Cupid has got to be number one on everybody's "most wanted" hit list. Whether you're single, cruising, crushing or just happily involved, there's something about that cocky little bat-boy that has most of us seeing red. Perhaps it's the overdose of heart-shaped chocolates and long stemmed roses that gets our blood pressure rising or maybe it's the utterly nonsensical, mass- produced, commercialised drivel of a holiday that Cupid and his hateful minions represent?     

Regardless of one's relationship status, most of us would rather chew nails than take part in this silly tradition. Although the world is ridden by a handful of hopefuls that still value V-day with such great importance, I couldn't help but wonder why so many sensible people would still buy into the idea of Valentines Day? Is it because it cashes in on our psychological need to love and be loved by some significant other, a prince on a white horse that has yet to be struck by Cupid's arrow? And what about couples? Does shacking up with someone after countless failed relationship attempts (no thanks to cupid) make it mandatory to suddenly participate in something as trivial and meaningless as the new Rebecca Black single?

Having spent most of my adult life without a secret or steady Valentine, I empathise wholeheartedly with the single lady having to suffer through another year of Hallmark happiness and Cadbury dreams. As if spending this so-called international day of love alone wasn't bad enough, you are forced to face the countless displays of "Be Mine" teddy bears and "Forever Yours" inflatables, new couples and relationship wannabe's everywhere you go. It's absolute torture, and enough to leave you bitterly disillusioned or pathetically depressed. Thank God the Easter Bunny decided to cast a premature shadow over the insipid holiday that falls on February 14th.    

While some might say "be grateful that you have someone to share it with", being in a relationship on Valentines Day is a completely different ball game especially when you reach a certain milestone in that special union. You either don't care at all and suffer the consequences of being romantically-challenged or you go the whole nine yards exceeding all standards and expectations. That picnic on Lions Head or the weekend getaway you planned last year simply won't do again. Every year, the gesture needs to be bigger and better, and you have exactly one day to show your beloved just how much you care and appreciate them.  

The pressure of finding that special someone a Valentine's gift begins on the battlefields of shopping centres and street-corner florists, ending up with reservations for two at some lavish, over-priced and over-booked 5-star eatery. The whole ritual is farcical; from flowers and chocolates to dinners and gifts. Since when was love calculated in such material measures? Had the value and simplicity of "I Love You" and a home-cooked meal frittered away into insignificance? Do we really live in a world where appreciation and love for one another is defined by and limited to commercial occasions and Hallmark anniversaries?  

Dear Cupid and your mastermind entourage: We don't like you or Valentines Day. May I suggest taking a few notes from Arrow? An alcoholic epileptic has a better chance of hitting the bulls eye than you do so please throw down your weapons at once. Given your track record of dismal mismatches and ill-conceived material notions of love, perhaps it's time to hang up the toga and trade in your wings for something a little less flamboyant. You're certainly no angel, especially in the eyes of every single broken heart and hopeful out there, yearning and longing for someone, anyone, to just take a moment and say "I love you."

When it comes to Valentines Day, when will stupid cupid just fuck off and fly away?

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