Thursday, 26 July 2012

50 Shades of Gay

Unless you've been living underneath a rock for the past couple of months you will have come across a certain series by EL James, a literary trilogy about a girl called Ana and her sexual discovery into the twisted world of BDSM. It came highly recommended by my sister-in-law Meg who blushed all over after only reading the first couple of pages. Miranda said it was like Mills & Boons on steroids, so I went to the book store and got myself a copy. The more I read about sweet, innocent Ana and her submission to Mr. Grey, the more I realized that girlfriend was in desperate need of a gay BFF!!!

"Everyone needs a little gay in their lives. They're the best accessory to have since the LV handbag." While I tried not to think of gay men in such limited terms, I wondered whether Sam was right. Gays are constantly in season...they're hot, they're trendy and look good with pretty much anything. They compliment you when you're at your best, tear you apart when you look your worst but most importantly, empathise with the complex emotions and situations that women find themselves in. From matters of the heart to sexual awakenings, there is a special bond between a certain type of male and his female counterpart, a friendship that no one can really explain unless you're in it. Perhaps it's the struggle to find a decent man in this town that makes this union so unique or perhaps it's the mutual feeling of being different in a patriarchal society. Either way there is something very special about the relationship between gay and gal. 

For Lilian, a high powered legal adviser, one of the major benefits of having a gay bestie is being able to talk to someone about her sexual encounters. Whenever she had been a little naughty, she would summon her gay friend Manfred for an afternoon of high tea. By day Lilian was an absolute lady but her latest nocturnal activity had left her feeling like a dirty skank. She needed some validation without feeling the heavy burden of judgement - something the rest of her WASP nest could not provide. Manfred, who had been her confidante for nearly ten years and who saw right through the good girl act from day one, was the perfect man for the job.

After taking a short sabbatical from the dating scene, Lilian had finally gotten a little action. She had always been into a very specific kind of kink, one that would make Mr. Grey's fetish seem tame in comparison. As always, she did a little coy-coy dance before giving into the sordid details of this fabulous affair she was having with a smoking hot work colleague. Three Mimosa's later Lilian and Manfred were gushing as if they were about to climax. "And then he tied my hands up before fucking me inside the supervisor's office one night when no-one was there. Did I mention he was wearing a cock ring?" Instead of making Lilian feel fifty shades of red, Manfred started giving her a few handy tips bound to enhance the sexual sensation for both him and her. Who'd have thunk? It only makes sense, I mean, who better to give advice about pleasuring a man than a man himself? 

If you do not have a gay BFF by now, then you're probably living somewhere in the styx. Not only are they great for self-esteem, but you can always count on them to encourage your sexual deviancy without feeling guilty or ashamed. Ten to one they've probably tolerated a lot worse. S&M, skunking, poodle-balling, fisting, leather play, three ways...apart from the odd republican homosexual into vanilla or missionary you can bet your life that they've probably seen it, heard it or even experienced it. It's these little words of wisdom that could turn an awkward situation into an erotic celebration, so when you're fortunate to find that special platonic male soulmate, be good to him. You never know when you might need a little laugh, a little cry or just a little free advice.  

When it comes to friendship, who runs this mutha? Gays?

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